Yesterday I had a moment of self-revelation. I looked in the mirror and realised; I had become that girl.
You know the type I mean, the blog writing, selfie taking, nail art posting kind of girl. My mother must be so proud.
But I’m too far down this road to turn back now, so why not go one step further? I will now become that single girl who blogs on valentines day because it’s not like she has anything else to do.
With that being said…
Is it just me or are single Christian girls crazy?
(All the guys nod in agreement..)
But really single Christian girls can be crazy. And I would know because I am one.
I want to have a look at some of the crazy things that can pass through our minds. I’m going to be real with you- sometimes I have thought these things, sometimes I have thought things too weird/creepy to publish on a public blog. I take 90% of my relationship advice from “He’s Just Not That Into You” so I’m definitely not some kind of love guru. But I’m willing to risk my limited (and after this blog post, non-existant) reputation in order to dispel some of the myths and lies that we so easily believe.
1. When I’m in a relationship, then I’ll be… a. happy b. complete c. a proper person.
We are conditioned to believe that happiness is always just around the corner. A decision way. We think that real life begins sometime in the future. Probably best to wait until you’re married to have sex but apart from that life starts now! Make the most of today. YOLO and all that. But joking aside, living life on pause until you find the right guy is such a waste. I can promise you and more importantly God has promised that he loves you right now, he has plans for you right now and he has life in all it’s fullness for you, right here, right now.
2. He’s totally into you….
Within church circles we are very good at gossiping. You can pretty much get away with saying anything if you mask it as a prayer request…. But could I possibly suggest that when it comes to relationships, gossip may not be the most helpful thing. “You two would be so good together” “I think you two are meant to be” ” Hannah and ****** sitting in a tree..” Of course it is really important to have good friends that you give permission to be ruthlessly honest with you. But good and honest are the key words. Making comments all the time, little remarks or jokes are not massively helpful, especially when they provide false hope. Yeah, a bit of banter is funny but continuous banter that starts to affect someones mind isn’t banter, it’s bullying. And it makes me cry.
3. If I read my Bible more, maybe God will send me a husband….?
No, just no. When you say this stuff out loud, it sounds mental (and theologically inaccurate?) But it’s so easy to live as if it were true. The whole idea that ‘if I give God this, he’ll give me that’ isn’t a good place to go. God is not a vending machine. We don’t have some kind of weird relationship credit system- read 75% of the Bible to start dating and 90% or over to get married…. Pursue holiness because Christ is holy. Seek God to find God. Motives get mixed all the time, but keep coming back to God just because he is God and he is good.
4. Ooh hot new guy at church, better check the ring finger.
Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean. So a new guy rocks up to church, raises his hands in worship and mentions that when he’s not spending time in Africa running a children’s camp, he sings lead vocals in a band. Now sit back and watch as 30 crazy single Christians girls circle around him… Church is not a meat market. Now you mention it, nowhere is a meat market except for a meat market. And you go there to buy meat, not men. We need to get better at seeing guys first and foremost as children of God. Yeah maybe you’ll end up marrying him but to begin with just act normal. Don’t only think about what he can give to you… It’s not honoring and it is creepy.
5. I’m still single, there must be something wrong with me…
Ok so this one could be true. If you don’t take regular showers and still play with a Tamagotchi you might want to reevaluate some life choices…. But for the most part, this is such a lie that the enemy wants us to believe. That we are somehow inferior, that there must be something wrong with us. There are a million and one reasons why you are single and it’s definitely not wrong to ask God and see what he has to say. But anything that starts to question our identity, anything that tells us that we are not worthy is a lie!
So this Valentines Day maybe take a moment to consider what crazy things you have started to believe and give God the chance to speak truth into your life.
(Or if that doesn’t sound like fun, meet me in the frozen aisle, we’ll buy some Ben and Jerrys and can spend the night eating our feelings. Your call…)